Its been a month.. It has taken me a lot of guts to actually sit down and write this blog.. I have always believed that whatever happens, happens for good, not this one.. The utter wrongness of life had never dawned upon me as its doing now.. One in a million chance.. and you never ever imagine that such extreme can happen to you..
Her skin, as soft as u can imagine , her voice chirupping around all the time, the way her hair looked after she had just washed them, her random pings on YM, her waking me up in the morning, her getting excited about stupid things, her.. hmm..
Can not bear the thought that i ll never see her, hear her voice again.. Cant bear the thought that she wont be there to witness it when i achieve anything worthwhile, when i fall in love, when i have kids.. Cant bear the thought of knowing how it happened.. how ruthlessly and how sudden..
I wish i was more like her. So delicate.. so pretty.. I wish i looked like her ( would have gotten to see everyday in the mirror.. ), People have told me i sound like her(at least on the phone). I wish i knew how to cook as well as she did. I wish i had hair like her.. silky and forever young.. at an age of 52 they still dint have any white in them.. I wish i was so clear about life as she was: “simple living and high thinking”, “think big”, “enjoy the little things in life” I wish i could love so selflessly. I wish i was as cute and full of life as she was..
She was the most important thing. The loss is there to stay. Right now cant think of a single thing that i can look forward to.. everything seems so silly, so meaningless. Smiling hurts, laughing is such an effort, being happy seems so frivolous.. but you do that.. i know i will.. cos thats how life is..